Tag: humor
-
Ode to An ’80s Tan
It’s that time of year again, when families with an average of 1.86 children* and access to some type of motorized vehicle migrate south for a week of fun in the sun, or rather, hopefully not killing each other while suffocating under three layers of UVB protective clothing. I can’t help but get a little…
-
Reading Between the Lines When Your Family Cares Enough to Send the Very Best
Recently, I got this card from my husband and kids: On the surface, you could read this as, “You’re an awesome Mom/Wife/Food Sanitation Expert/Cleaning Lady!” Digging a little deeper though, there’s a hidden meaning behind each of their missives, one that involves birth order, timing, and various stages of psychological development. Allow me to explain.…
-
Shortest Post Ever
My youngest, Essa, just got her first email address. Of all the puppies, ponies, and Justin Bieber images available on the World Wide Web, this is what she chose as her inaugural missive. To me. It was titled “Make Drinks.” Did I mention she’s eight? Apparently the fruit and the tree are forever intertwined.
-
A Strange Tale of NyQuil, Rodents, and Random Christmas Lessons.
Let me start by inserting a spoiler alert. I wrote this after shotgunning about a gallon of NyQuil. Yesterday I was bragging to my husband, Scot (who’s fighting off a tiny cold and is bedridden for the foreseeable future…likely until America pole vaults off the fiscal cliff) that due to my impervious genetic make-up, I haven’t…
-
Learning to Love Chaos (or) Yes, I Adopted A Dog
“In a world that constantly throws big, unexpected events our way, we must learn to benefit from disorder.” Nassim Nicholas Taleb This quote is from “Learning to Love Volatility,” a fascinating Wall Street Journal article I read last month. The basic premise of the piece is that huge, unanticipated events, like stock market crashes, wars, and…
-
Where The H-E-Double Toothpicks Did Halloween Go?
When I was a kid, Halloween was different. It was about freaks, fetishes, and trembling with fear as Mom and Dad searched through a pillowcase full of candy in search of the ever-elusive razor blade. Deep down inside, I always wanted to be that child who’s parents actually found a Smith & Wesson 6” serrated…
-
How To Check Your Kid As A Carry-On And Get Rich At The Same Time
I love traveling with my children, especially now that they can schlep my bags. But there was a time when I actually had to haul them around the airport, and that kind of sucked. Nothing ruins a brand new pedicure like a toddler who’s broken free of his LoJack-inspired five point harness stroller restraints and…
-
Are Our Children at the Core of the Next Entitlement Demographic?
There’s nothing that tugs at a parent’s heart like the hollow face of a hungry child. On the other hand, there’s nothing that makes a parent’s eyeballs distend, roll backwards, and practically dislocate themselves, like witnessing the antics of a child who feels a little hungry, complains about it, and expects a custom-made meal to be…
-
Is A Boyfriend Who Could Be Your Son the Latest Status Symbol?
If so, count me out. Ever since Madonna started taking NyQuilesque shots from the fountain of youth about a decade ago, I’ve been kind of obsessed interested in what it means to age gracefully. Not that I’m particularly graceful. Or aging. Because I’m not. I’m all for girl power, free drinks, equal pay, and getting your…
READING BETWEEN THE PINES 