If life's about the journey, does it matter how many bathroom breaks you take along the way?

Recently, I got this card from my husband and kids:

photo (21)

On the surface, you could read this as, “You’re an awesome Mom/Wife/Food Sanitation Expert/Cleaning Lady!”

Digging a little deeper though, there’s a hidden meaning behind each of their missives, one that involves birth order, timing, and various stages of psychological development.

Allow me to explain.

Scot, husband, age 43


You are the best wife + best mom in the world we love you so much!




I’m sorry the towel rack in our bathroom has been dangling from one side pretty much since we moved to Colorado, so I’ll use cute nicknames from when we dated 3,000 years ago with the hope that you’ll forgive the fact that I generally don’t do anything around the house anymore because I know if I let chores sit idle long enough you’ll do them for me. I used to think your erratic pre-menstrual hormones were scary, but wow can you handle a power drill like a pro when you’re mad!

I forgot the punctuation and capitalization rules I learned watching Schoolhouse Rock and used “+” instead of “and” because I’m tweeting about my fantasy football league with my dominant hand while I write your card with the one I use to pick wax out of my ears.

Can you make me a panini? All this tweeting and writing and soul-searching is making me hungry.

This is Scot's mustache era, circa December 20 - December 31 2012. I love posting pics of him that he doesn't want any of his co-workers to see.

This is Scot’s mustache era, circa December 20 – December 31, 2012. I love posting pics of him that he doesn’t want any of his co-workers to see.

Taylor, son, age 12


You are the best mom ever. #1 on my list. I love you so much!



Listen. I’m practically a teenager so I’m gonna pretty much copy what Dad said but change it a little so it doesn’t look like I cheated. It’s not that cheaters don’t prosper, look at Tiger Woods. It’s just that it sucks getting caught. Again, look at Tiger Woods.

Can I have an iPhone?

That “#1” thing was all mine so can I have $20.00?

Seriously, I started a crappy phone club at school and I’m the only member.

Since you’re already making one for Dad, can I have a panini?

Taylor will probably kill me for posting this pic, but he had a bad attitude last Saturday night when I took him out for a special mother-son dinner so he can suck it.

Taylor will kill me for posting this pic, but he had a bad attitude last Saturday night when we went out for a special mother-son dinner so he can suck it.

Grace, daughter, age 10

I love U

– Grace


In case you haven’t noticed, I’m the middle child and I’m way too busy to write. In fact, I’d be willing to bet all the money I’m stashing away in my piggy bank for an Ivy League education that you don’t even realize I’m around because I’m too busy absorbing and channeling the arguments between my older brother and younger sister, making dinner, refinishing the front entryway floor, and timing my sprint splits to train for the upcoming state swim meet.

I’m not really into paninis because I’ve just declared myself a gluten-free, dairy-free, nut-free vegan, so could you just whip me up a celery root smoothie while I work on some extra credit calculus problems so I can get a head start on my summer enrichment work?

It’s not fair that Taylor gets everything first because he’s oldest. I get straight As every quarter so if anyone’s getting an iPhone it’s me. Also I just finished alphabetizing the spice rack. You can thank me later.

That's Grace teaching our dog to follow commands in Mandarin.

That’s Grace teaching our dog to follow commands in Mandarin.

Essa, daughter, age 8

They diden’t leve me any room. E.


Being the youngest sucks.

I don’t care if I can’t spell. By the time I’m in high school the ghost of Steve Jobs will have invented a brain chip that will do everything for me so I can work on my tan.

I don’t care what Grace says about geophysics and I’m not wearing any more of her hand-me-downs. My style is totally Nicole Richie meets Kristen Stewart and she’s so Dakota Fanning.

I don’t care what Taylor says about his stupid iPhone because he’s stupid.

Can I have a panini, preferably with no crust, double cheese, hold the tomatoes? I’ll be in my room streaming “America’s Next Top Model” and pretty much raising myself.



So for those of you who recently got a seemingly sweet card from your family on a Hallmark-created holiday that looks and feels authentic? Look under the surface. It’s what you can’t see at first sight that will really trip you up if you’re not careful.

If you like this post, you might also like I Think I’m Smarter Than You or Is That Your Daughter’s Bra Hanging From A Tree?

236 thoughts on “Reading Between the Lines When Your Family Cares Enough to Send the Very Best

  1. El Guapo says:

    As long as none of the kids asked to borrow the car (despite their ages), I think you still come out ahead.
    Very sweet!

    1. Guap,
      You are way too kind, and by way, I mean WAY.

  2. Ha, ha, ha…love this post Staciekins. And Essa’s comment on the card is hilarious….. 😛

    1. Wendy,

      You would love Essa. She has this uncanny ability to draw adults into her orbit, especially when she’s making fun of me.

      Love ya!

  3. Anonymous says:

    Laura read this to me over breakfast and oatmeal came out of my nose. word.

    1. Pam,

      So happy my children’s personality disorders differences help you have a sinus-clearing start to your day.

      Thanks for taking the time to comment, and tell Laura we love her!


  4. Andrea says:

    As a middle daughter I totally respect your clear preference for the perfect one and intolerance for the smelly boys.

    1. Andrea,

      You are now Grace’s favorite person on the planet. Don’t be surprised if she starts posting inspirational quotes on your blog.

      Thanks for the visit!


  5. My family is not as subtle: “Love and miss you, but not to the point that you need to come visit us.”

    1. Why don’t you join our family? I could seriously use an extra hand or two when it comes to doing laundry. =p

      Great to see you, Jen. =)

  6. calahan says:

    Your husband is far too handsome. I resent him.

    1. I tell him that all the time. Not the handsome part, it’s more about resenting the fact that he gets to listen to whatever he wants on his iPod when he drives off to work every morning to support our family.

      1. calahan says:

        You should steal his iPod and upload a bunch of children’s song and Top 40 pop.

      2. I like your style, Calahan.

  7. Anonymous says:

    Gosh, and here I was, such a sucker for my kids’ notes. Can I send you my girls’ so you can help me decipher? Awesome post, Stacie. I love the “Nicole Richie meets Kristen Stewart” fashion style vs “Dakota Fanning”‘s. 🙂 See you in a couple weeks.

    1. Stella,

      I’m always happy to help when needed. Watch out for symbols like hearts and flowers, they’re hiding something much deeper. I’m sure of it.

      Thanks for the comment sista!


  8. Anonymous says:

    Stacie, right on the money with this post! You had me laughing out loud! I loved it so much, had to share selected passages with the family 🙂

    1. I’m hoping you’re sharing the passages that make me look like an awesome mom.

  9. Bondseye says:

    Funny as usual and you make me want to emulate your writing style. Is that the right word? How do I pull up dictionary on this thing? I mean imitate. Glad to hear you are appreciated. Was it your birthday or is your family extra appreciative? I only get those cards on Mother’s Day.

    1. How about you imitate my writing and I imitate your photography? We could create such a killer blog!

      That was a Christmas card, and considering I don’t normally get Christmas cards from my nuclear foursome, I should be more thankful.

      Great to see you here!

  10. Carrie Rubin says:

    Haha! I know the feeling. A few years ago, my oldest gave me a Mother’s Day card on a 3X5 lined notecard that said, “Happy Mother’s Day, Love, A.” Ah, talk about making a mom feel special. I’m pleased to say he has not repeated that lackluster effort with subsequent cards, probably because his father saw the look on my face when I received it…

    1. It’s nice when Dad is there to redirect errant missives rather than participate in them. =p

      Thanks for the visit and comment, Carrie, love seeing you!

      1. Carrie Rubin says:

        Haha, you’re right. Unfortunately my hubby thought the notecard was perfectly adequate until he saw my face, at which time he made sure it would never happen again. 😉

  11. I just had a special mother/daughter lunch during which my daughter said hardly a word to me, but I declared it a success because she at least didn’t ask to call her best friend in the middle of it. Parenthood is awesome.
    Btw, I think my husband wrote the subtext for your husband’s note. I’m pretty sure that that is what every single card from him actually says.

    1. Kellie,
      I feel your pain. I also read it…every Christmas, Valentines, and birthday. Let’s make sure we never let your hubs and my hubs meet each other.

  12. Laura says:

    That was FREAKING HILARIOUS! I love every word, including the mustache and Word! Man, girl! You are so creative and so damn funny… I wish we lived closer so some of it could rub off on me! Great post :0 🙂

    1. I wish we lived closer just so we could hang out. You calling me creative is funny. If you looked up the definition of “creative” you’d find your gravatar front and center.

      Thanks for the love, Laura!

  13. Jill Mannis says:

    This is hilarious Stacy!!!


    1. Thanks, Jill. Miss you guys!

  14. aparnauteur says:

    Effortlessly funny! Despite being the eldest in my family, I can perfectly relate to Essa–the same spunk, same level of emotional maturity, same lack of ceoncern for typos 🙂

    1. You’re a funny girl! I was the oldest too. I’m much more comfortable in the power position than on the bottom of the ladder. Poor Essa. Somehow I think she’ll figure out a way to make up for it though…. =)

      1. aparnauteur says:

        I am sure she will; the youngest have their own advantages. My younger brother (11 yrs younger) gives me expert advice on everything from what car to buy to which phone has the most floating points in it (some obscure math to calculate the phone’s performance)

      2. I’ll let my little one know that…someday she’ll be the one with all the info instead of constantly being told what to do. =)

  15. Meaghan says:

    I literally cannot stop laughing. This is great. Can I have a panini? Any old way will do.


    1. I miss you Meaghan! Are you writing?

      1. Meaghan says:

        Yep. Finally finished and now I’m basically rewriting!! Hope to have more time in spring when I’m not teaching so much! Miss you too. Would be fun to get the writing gang together sometime!!

      2. SO happy to hear that! I’m still writing new scenes after taking 6+ months off, but it feels good to be back at it. I’d love to get everyone together. Let’s make it a pre-school getting out quasi-celebration of our manuscripts being DONE.

  16. Hillary says:

    Love it, Stacie! Made me smile on an icky Chicago Snow Day. You again reminded me of some personal gems that I keep on my closet shelf: From 2010: “Mom, I am very happy that you have been with me since I was 0 and now I am 10 and you are still with me! Lots of love, Will”. Yep, middle child. Btw he’s 12 and I haven’t ditched him yet. And from 2006: “I love you 1000” That’s about as much love as you can think of when you’re 4. She’s still my favorite. Also, attached to the Christmas bauble a couple of years ago: “For My Beautiful Wipe”. After 3 hours of wrapping and about 8 bottles of wine, “f’s” and “p’s” kind of look the same, right? I still choose that over giving Freud any credit.

    1. Hillary,
      Love your trove of gems! It’s great to see you here. I hope you’re surviving the Chicago winter…you’re always welcome in Denver if you ever need a break from the grayish palor that washes over the Midwest in the winter. I hope you’re well…sounds like you have a great family.

  17. daniheart21 says:

    As I sit here reading…I find myself wondering how you do it? and then it all comes back to me…lol Love the pic of your son. LOL LOL

    1. My son’s like, “Oh great. Now the world is gonna think I’m a bad kid. I was really hungry when we went to dinner Mom. That’s all. Hungry.”

      I assured him that the world would forgive him just like I did, and for the record, world, Taylor is a great kid.

      Thanks for the sweet comment, Dani. I hope you’re well!

  18. This is hysterical! It will be the last thing I read tonight so I can go to bed laughing (not for the usual reason).

    1. Thanks, Michelle! What’s the usual reason?

      Just curious. =p

      1. Heheheh…between you and I…it was an insinuation about
        laughing…in bed…at an inappropriate time…that is not always appreciated by everyone there. 😉

      2. That’s a post in and of itself. =)

  19. Susan Francke says:

    I think I must be shallow or just desperately trying to hang on to the idea that my kids (and husband) think I rock because I like to take those cards at only their face value. If I dig too deeply, I see more than I bargained for. Thanks for making me laugh – I needed it. Please tell Essa that being the youngest doesn’t always suck. I got to go on some pretty cool trips with just my parents because my older siblings thought they were too old and too cool to come with us. I also had much less supervision as a teenager because by the time my parents got around to raising me they were tired – I can now relate to how they feel. My sister’s curfew was 8:30 in high school by the time they got to me they just wanted me at home when they woke up the next morning. Plus I am very skilled at playing the “stupid youngest child” card so that my siblings do all sorts of things for me that I have convinced them I am incapable of doing for myself.

    1. You’re definitely not shallow, probably simply less jaded than me. =) I shared all of your advice with Essa. She especially liked the part about getting her older siblings to do things for her. She’s pretty much already gotten that down…must be a youngest sibling gene or something.

      Thanks for taking the time to read and comment, Susan. I’m looking forward to seeing you this summer!

  20. Dear Stacie,

    Your the best blogging bestie a girl could ever have. I truly admire your sense of humor, your intelligence, your kindness and the way you seem to effortlessly juggle family and writing. Loved this post.

    Love you! Hilarious!


    Miss Snarky Pants


    Jesus F**king Christ, Stacie! Way to hog the FPs. You know, there are people out there who have never been FPd and here you go and do it TWICE. I know…sucks for THEM! What kind of attitude is that to have? You’re my best blogging bestie because you’re the first one to stalk me relentlessly until I agreed to be your “bestie.” What are we, second graders? Are you going to ask me to join some super secret blogging besties club that has a secret handshake and a club house?

    In truth, I merely pity you. And now that you’ve won AGAIN, it feels like you’re just smashing your clever wit right in my face like a bitter booger pie. Oh, and the fact that all of your family LOVES you so much. Gawd. Gag me with a Polaroid of your perfect smiling faces.

    Don’t call me again whining about how you have no time to write. It was your decision to get a dog. I told you that he’d take over your life, so instead of being a famous writer, you’re going to be a not-so-famous dog owner. Do I need to call Meals on Wheels so that Essa has something to eat today?

    Oh, and before you mention that I spelled “your” wrong, I’m telling you that I don’t care. Why? Because I’ve only had one iced coffee and my hubby was extra loud this morning while getting ready so I’ve actually been up for hours even though I was lying in bed with my eyes closed, ruminating about the fact that you have been Freshly Pressed twice now, and I’ve only been Freshly Pressed…erm, twice. That’s right, I’ve been FPd TWICE. Well that changes everything.

    Um, in that case, I loved your post. Seriously, the whole translation thing was ba-rilliant! I mean, I wouldn’t do it, of course, but you made it work. I still hate you with all my heart for being so f**king gorgeous and nice, but I do love the fact that when you’re trashed on cheap vodka, you sing just like a young Steven Tyler…if Steven Tyler sang sad. slurring country songs.

    Love you (mostly because you live on the other side of the country)! Almost as funny as my blog! Alright, fine. It’s freaking hilarious!


    Miss Snarky Pants

    1. Dear BB,

      First of all, it’s easy to balance writing and child rearing when you schelp all the house chores off on your kids. I don’t pay them anything though, so I don’t think I’m breaking any labor laws. Except the driving thingy, but you should see Essa go when I shove our dog under her in the driver’s seat to give her some extra height. She hugs corners like a prostitute on a pole.

      As for the FP accolades, I’m always riding your wake, which is A-OK with me. I’m kind of a “10 minute ab” person, and really, isn’t less always more, especially when it comes to sprouts and broccoli?

      So what am I trying to say? Please remove the restraining order. I’ll be in your neck of the woods in three weeks, and it will totally suck if I have to break through your burglar bars just to say hi.

      Miss Snarky Pants FP #1

      Miss Snarky Pants FP #2

      P.S. You’re awesome.

      1. The first martini made from crap ass vodka is on me. Don’t forget to bring your karaoke tapes, Steven…erm, I mean, Stacie.

        P.S. You are a mountain of awesome served with a side of awesome sauce and an awesome cherry on top…and a shot of tequila!

    2. Some of us have never been FPd. Sux.

      1. You just wait, Yolly. The WP editors are always watching….always.

      2. You will, I’m sure. Just give it time. 🙂

  21. Judy Smith says:

    Fabulous stuff!! First of all, your funny, funny, funny piece up top. Second of all (actually, first of all, but forget I said that) your erudite conversation with Ms. Snarky. You two should go on the road. I am nothing if not generous, so I’m sitting here congratulating both of you on your FP accolades despite the fact that I have not yet managed (nor will possibly ever) to write anything Freshly-Pressable. Tears and gnashing of teeth. Okay, all better now. Love you both — you add much happiness to my life.

    1. Judy, your kindness gives me goosebumps.

      About the FP thing, I swear my connection to Cristy has something to do with it. With that in mind, hang out around her site as much as possible and you too will get the magic-genie-behind-the-curtain nod. Well, either that or a serious case of side splitting pain from laughing so much.

      I got an email from the WP editors that this post was going to be FPd yesterday. So far, all is quiet, so I hope it wasn’t really Cristy, bored on a Monday afternoon, messing with my mind.

      Love you!

      1. Judy Smith says:

        Yeah, she’d DO it, too! I love her, and I do hang around reading her stuff. The two of you make quite the team and I’m so glad you’re both on WordPress!

      2. Thanks, Judy. xoxo

  22. bronxboy55 says:

    I love this entire post, Stacie, but especially this: “By the time I’m in high school the ghost of Steve Jobs will have invented a brain chip that will do everything for me so I can work on my tan.”

    1. Charles,
      Coming from someone as wise as you, I appreciate that you take the time to read my snark in addition to my serious. I love your latest post:

  23. You are SO much funnier than me. For this I both love you and hate you in equal measure. Thanks so much for increasing my existential angst. xo

    1. But you’re much smarter than me, Yolly, and definitely more well-read. I just finished a book called White Girl Problems. You’re probably reading the HIstory of the World in four different languages. =)

  24. Pixie Girl says:

    Hahaha, the card is lovely but your analysis is hilarious 😉 I guess when you’re a mom you know that no expression of love is unconditional!

    1. Spoken like a true savant, Pixie Girl!

      1. Pixie Girl says:

        Only because you inspired it, Stacie 😉

  25. scribblechic says:

    This reads like a fun and loving introduction to your family. I love the marriage of personalities and handwriting in your images. Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed!

    1. Thanks for the read and sweet note. Scribblechic is a totally cool gravatar name, btw. =)

  26. Jeni says:

    You had me at old nicknames and cheesy moustaches. Can’t wait until my slacker children learn that writing implements are for, you know, writing, and not for stabbing each other.

    1. Jeni,

      First of all, there is a strangely large number of Jens and Jenis who are commenting today, which I totally love because my bestie in kindergarten was Jennifer Dunne. Her dress is literally over her head in every bday party pic we are in together (until she turned 16 and started wearing jeans) which is totally feminist in a crayola kind of way.

      Anyway, I love your comment, that’s what I really wanted to say.


  27. A.J. Goode says:

    I loved this! Thanks for teaching me how to translate the net card I get from my family.

    1. It’s what you can’t see that will kill you, kind of like a staph infection, right? =p

      Thanks for the read and comment!

  28. Brilliant and very true my friend. Liz and I often say sentences to one another and then the other follows up by say BS this is what you really mean. It’s all in good humor though and still a sign of love…or at least that is what I keep telling myself. 😉

    1. Jed, as you know, love is often defined not only by what you say, but by what you don’t say. Love is also buying Liz an expensive piece of jewelry (I just made that up, but it’s true, right?).

      Hope DC is treating you guys well!

  29. Too funny! I’ll never look at a greeting card the same again. Congrants on being freshly pressed!

    1. Thank you, Melissa…insincerity from your family is the highest form of flattery, right? Well, no, but I’ll just keep telling myself that.

  30. denimfish says:

    Haha, love it! As its my birthday I have got lots of cards, don’t think Hallmark invented my birthday but you never know! so going back to re read them, betwen the lines!

    1. It’s helpful to read between the lines with a stiff cocktail, preferably Maker’s Mark and ginger ale. Just sayin. =p

      Thanks for the read and comment!

  31. So funny! My favourite from my 5-year-old daughter was “I love you as tall as Daddy.” Until I read your post, I thought this was adorable. Now that I think about it, he’s only 5’9″, which, among the male population in Canada is a meagre half an inch taller than average. So does that mean she loves me a lot (from her short perspective) or only a little (considering Uncle Craig, for example, is 6’4″ and she didn’t say she loves me as tall as him) or just slightly more than average?

    1. Jen,

      I like the way you think. I have no doubt that you will successfully read between the lines of any missive that your daughter or husband sends your way, which is a good barrier against sun damage, tunnel vision, gingivitis, and anything else you can’t really see. I know this comment won’t make sense to most people reading it, but somehow I think you’ll get it.

      Love your comment, thank you for stopping by!


  32. Your kids sound awesome! I got a good chuckle out of this 😀

    1. Jennifer,
      They live on a sliding scale of awesomeness…some days are better than others. =)

      Thanks for the read and comment!

  33. aparnauteur says:

    Wohooo! Congrats on the FP, Stacie!

    1. Thank you, Aparna. You are such a wonderful, supportive woman. I appreciate it! Stacie

  34. Youve had me laugh out loud….hahaha…hilarious stuff… (since you are at paninis, may i have one too) lol lol…pardon me here…couldnt resist…hoping no offence taken!
    Lovely writing…kudos!

    1. Paninis are my specialty, as is just about anything with 5 ingredients or less that doesn’t involve using a dutch oven made by le creuset. Thanks for stopping by and leaving a great comment!

  35. Mikey says:

    I think I’m in love with your family. You’re also probably a better parent than any I’ve ever seen.

    1. Dear Mikey,
      You had me at hello.

  36. Elli Writes says:

    This is the most entertaining thing I’ve read all morning. I bet there’s never a dull moment with those four. 😉

    Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!

    1. Elli,
      Thank you for the kind compliment, and for calling a spade a spade. Love your gravatar pic, BTW.

  37. Stacie,
    Congratulations on another Freshly Pressed gem. How are you so good. That was like a question, but formed as a statement, because sometimes I don’t need an answer. I just know you’re that good. Great read. I would love a panini if you’re still making them. But stay the hell away from me with that goddamn celery root smoothie. Is that a real thing or is that something people tell other people about so the second person thinks the first person is way healthier than them. Sorry, I had surgery on my wrist again yesterday and I’m all hopped up on painkillers, so I tend to ramble on sometimes. I don’t think I’m rambling right now, this feels like just a regular conversation two people would have if two people had a regular conversation. What?


    1. Bill,

      First I’ll address your comment as an omniscient narrator.

      “If you do nothing else when you leave this blog, go visit Bill writes the funniest shit I’ve seen since Mariah Carey redefined the meaning of the word “moonsuit” when she showed up on the slopes in Aspen last Christmas.”

      Second, our conversations are like liquid gold, but not the kind that you can use as a wood cleaner and preservative.


  38. ramanda429 says:

    I loved this. It seems like you know how to read between the lines really well. I’ll have to do that, but I only have one kid so that shouldn’t bee too hard. Love all the pics you posted. Congratulations on being “freshly pressed”

    1. Thanks for such a sweet comment, and watch your only child. I was an only child for seven years until my little brother came along and messed everything up. Better yet, watch your birth control. I keep telling my brother that he was a total mistake but he’s blocked me from his FB and text accounts so I pretty much have to share my angst with you (I’m just kidding. My little bro is the bomb). =)

      1. ramanda429 says:

        I def. watch my birth control… I have no intentions of having another child. wow seven years… had to of been a major surprise to have to share a life you were so use to having all to your self. Your welcome.

  39. Heather says:

    Giggling over this big time. Thanks 🙂

    1. Giggles are awesome. Thanks Heather!

  40. supertramp says:

    Wow. This post was like a breath of fresh air compared to everything else that was FP-ed. I don’t think i’ll look at a greeting card the same way again.

    By the way, am I the only one who noticed the witty headers on the right side?
    So cool.

    Love, supertramp.

    1. Dear Supertramp,

      I love your gravatar pic and name. Is it an homage to Rick Davies are you just kind of promiscuous?

      Personally, I was never a big fan of “We Built This City”. Oh wait a minute. That was Starship, formerly Jefferson Starship, which I like much better as far as band names go because it sounds kind of country clubish and everything. Anyway, “Give A Little Bit” is awesome.

      Thank you for noticing my headers. I’m a big believer that it’s the little things in life that count which is why I love diamonds.


      1. supertramp says:

        Dear Stacie,

        The name supertramp is tribute to a way of life I love, and partially inspired by the story of Chris Mccandless, popularized in the film, “Into the Wild”. The picture is just my dog looking dumbfounded when I told him he was adopted.

        And my, you’ve got one killer sense of humor. Write a book! I”ll buy the first copy.

        Love, supertramp.

      2. supertramp,

        I loved that movie, until he died, which totally, totally sucked.

        I’ll take you up on the book thingy.


  41. Jessibelle says:

    Reblogged this on youngmumsdiary and commented:
    Love this!!!

    1. Jessibelle, is that your real name? I love it, in part because “Jesse’s Girl” by Rick Springfield was one of my favorite songs in middle school and “Belle” totally tamed The Beast and finally gave all those Disney princesses some street cred.

      Thanks so much for the reblog. I appreciate it!

      1. Jessibelle says:

        Hi Thank you!!! it’s actually just Jessica (boring!)
        My mum used to work in a telephone exchanged and explained how ‘decibells’ worked…once i was born Jessibelle became my nickname!!!

  42. rmedina49 says:

    Best. Mom. in. The. World.

    HAHAHAHHA that was TOO amazing.. I’ll have to try to read between the lines next time I get a card 😉

    Great blog!!

    1. Can you record that first line so I can play it back to my family at-will? Better yet, I”ll make it the ringtone on my iPhone, a phone that none of my children will ever have until they become totally retro icon/relic type thingys.

      Thanks for the sweet comment!

      1. rmedina49 says:

        No problem at all. Thank you for an amazing post, and blog overall! Shove it to them! 😉

      2. I like your parenting style, even though you can’t possibly be old enough to be a parent. Your comments bode well for your future… =)

      3. rmedina49 says:

        Hahaha, when I am a parent, I will be more like you 😀

      4. Be careful what you ask for. =)

      5. rmedina49 says:

        haha I should be. 🙂

  43. Such an entertaining post! I love this! Although, I’m all for the “it’s the thought that counts” and “don’t over think it” mind set, I don’t have three children- in fact, I’m very far from that. I’m sure your reading between the lines is inevitable, and maybe even therapeutic, for you and I really enjoyed reading your take on the connotation behind the “sweet” things your family wrote for you. Some day I’m sure I’ll be reading between the lines too. Thanks so much for sharing! Also, stay strong! Don’t give in to the iPhone begging!!

    1. Melissa,

      Are you by chance a therapist because you really get me. =p

      Thank you for the sweet comment, and for stopping by to read. I appreciate it!


  44. Val says:

    I am so glad that blogging and the internet weren’t around when I was a kid… would my parents have written this stuff about me? Would I have had to take revenge on them like your kids will one day on you? 😉

    I’m over via Charles’s blog, btw (Mostly Bright Ideas).

    1. Val,

      This is a true statement and Charles will back me up…I found his blog the first week I started writing and blog stalked him until he put me on his blogroll. That would be a scary admission if I wasn’t such a nice person. =p

      To your points: my son is currently mad at me and just said “Now the WORLD is going to think I’m a crappy kid when I was just tired that night.” My youngest, Essa, hates the picture I posted. Grace, the middle child, is pretty happy considering she comes out looking halfway normal.

      I constantly remind my son that I have a picture of him on a portable toilet with a cowboy hat, boots, and no pants on from his toilet training days. That ought to buy me a lifetime of blog posts, right?

      Thanks for coming over and taking the time to comment. I have a feeling you’ll someday be able to say, “I told you so!”


      1. Val says:

        Yes, it’s the potty pics that would make me shudder too! *Grins*

  45. My daughter is three, her teachers had her make one of those “fill-in-the-blanks” cards for Mother’s Day last year. She said I was as pretty as a skittle. As someone who is so wise in the ways of translating these things, can you tell me if I should be worried?

    Read this post, laughed really hard. Following you now because as a mother with two young kids I need to laugh at something with complete sentences. Desperately.

    1. Lauren,

      Since you see that I have kids older than yours, you know I’m telling the truth when I say that being compared to a Skittle is like hitting the motherhood trifecta at the races. Or like someone comparing you to Demi Moore, but before she went through her Skelator phase and started dating men who could have jumped from her womb. Also before she shaved her head for that GI Jane movie.

      Anyhow, you should go pour yourself a congratulatory cocktail or four because you’re definitely doing something right.

      Thank you for the read and follow…makes my day!


  46. hollytabitha says:

    Really great post! Funny!

  47. Katie says:

    This made me laugh out loud and then run and show my hubby and my 4 kids. Further proof that women can read minds! Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!

    1. I like you, Katie (and thanks).

  48. Yatin says:

    Love comes in all shapes & sizes (read whine, nag & clamor)
    You really have a Home Sweet Home

    1. Yatin,

      Your comment is so prolific it scares me a little.


  49. Good gravy! I scrolled down slowly to the first image and thought for a second my photo was going to show up and all the names would change to my family’s names. Alas, I am redeemed!
    And to Grace: “坐,说话,留”

    1. Mike,

      Scared you for a few seconds, right?

      Thank you for the witty comment. Thanks too, for giving Grace something to translate before breakfast tomorrow.


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